


Move Me

by fauxtales



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Praise, Praise Kink, Sloppy Makeouts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Vexen is seen for two seconds, Xigbar being a creep as he is, You could interpret this as having background fucked up Xem/Saï
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:15:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxtales/pseuds/fauxtales
Summary: "Saïx feels something long forgotten stir in his chest. He pushes it away quickly. There is no time for whatever is trying to break through his walls."Saïx and Axel's relationship has become one of a push and pull over the years. As time goes by, what it was gets more twisted and Saïx isn't sure how much he can allow anymore. He struggles to balance the way Axel makes him almost feel and his role in their plan.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Move Me

Saïx has always loved watching Axel fight. It’s like watching a choreographed dance, graceful and fluid, practiced moves nearly hyponic in their deadly accuracy. It’s fascinating, because Axel himself is so wild. His movements are too, in a sense. At the very least, they come off that way. Axel is chaotic and destructive as a wildfire, and as hypnotically beautiful as one too.

As Axel takes out the swarming heartless, Saïx steps back from the fight. For all of his power, Saïx tends to take a backseat in most operations, if he leaves the castle at all. His plans don’t include putting himself in the fighting, and conveniently, neither do Xemnas’s. Saïx worked hard to put himself in such a position, and he’s not about to get his hands any dirtier if he doesn’t have to.

Axel however is perfectly suited to getting his hands dirty. For as much as he fought it, Axel took to his lack of emotions in a most fascinating way. Although he continues to keep his apparent sense of humor, the sarcasm in his voice never truly disappearing, when it comes to being ruthless, Axel moves with a strangely cold efficiency. Unlike some of the other Organization members, Axel rarely plays around with his target; he gets in and gets out, whatever task that needs doing, done. It’s why Saïx was so easily able to convince Xemnas to appoint Axel their official assassin, hardly three years into this wretched existence.

Now, nearly six years later, Axel has only gotten better. For all of Saïx’s ruminating on the sidelines, the battle is over in a matter of minutes and one last burst of fire. Axel stands in the middle of the carnage, fire and shadow alike dancing at his feet. Axel’s title is apt; even when he’s not moving, he really is a flurry of dancing flames.

Saïx feels something long forgotten stir in his chest. He pushes it away quickly. There is no time for whatever is trying to break through his walls.

Green eyes find gold and Axel smiles, holding up one of his chakrams in a wave. Saïx fights the urge to wave back. He folds his arms over his chest instead.

“As efficient as always,” Saïx deadpans, stepping toward Axel as he glances around at the aftermath of the fight. “If only we had a keyblade wielder, this would all be much more useful.”

“What, not even a scrap of praise?” Axel jokes as he lets his chakrams dissolve into flames. Axel closes the last few steps between them to invade Saïx’s personal space. He leans in, grinning, as Saïx eyes him with distaste. “I do all this work, and you stand off to the side just looking pretty! I think I deserve some sort of compensation, yeah?”

“Knowledge that you completed your mission ought to be compensation enough.” Saïx smacks Axel’s hand away as it tries to sneak up into his hair. Axel pouts. “Your job in the organization is as a fighter after all.”

“Not my only job,” Axel points out. He rocks back on his heels, accepting Saïx’s rejection in stride. There was a time when Axel would push back when Saïx tried to shove him away, would throw an arm over his shoulders and pull him in despite the protests. Then, there was a time when Axel would no longer push, but instead look hurt, those puppy dog eyes trying to beg Saïx to let him in. Now, Axel doesn’t even look phased. Saïx doesn’t know if this is better. “Speaking of, has Xigbar decided on the next world to destabilize? It feels like it’s been awhile.”

Saïx scowls at the mention of Xigbar. That man got in his way and on his nerves at every turn, and that was no different when it came to the politics of the Organization either. “Xigbar has been out on a mission from the Superior for the past week. I don’t know what his intentions are.”

“So he dumped all his work on you again.” Axel laughs, a sound that almost sounds sincere rather than the hollow noise that it is. Saïx sighs and turns to continue toward their target in this world, letting Axel chatter all he wants as he follows. “I should have guessed as much, you’re even more irritable than usual. I suppose I can give you a pass on that though, if Xigbar left you doing double duty. I assume you didn’t sleep last night?”

The question almost has Saïx stopping in his tracks. Axel throws it out so casually, as if it was a question about something as mundane as the weather, but Saïx knows it’s not. No matter their separation now, Saïx has known Axel their whole lives, and he’s known Lea longer. They both know that Saïx has never slept well, his insomnia made worse since the gold invaded his eyes and his ears came to a point. He can just hear the concern in Axel’s voice. 

Then Saïx reminds himself that Axel can’t feel concern, and there is hardly a skip in his gait.

“I have a lot of paperwork to do.”

“Ah, I see.”

Saïx frowns, harder than the permanent frown always on his face. Then he reminds himself that any irritation he feels is just imaginary, the ghost of an emotion haunting him, and he smooths his face back into perfect, practiced blankness.

Axel lets the subject drop, and the silence stretches between them, a chasm that Saïx has long forgotten how to cross.

\--

After their mission, Saïx and Axel return to the castle. Saïx dismisses Axel with a stern reminder to get his report turned in by the end of the day, and Axel heads toward the Grey Area, waving Saïx off like he’s an annoying mosquito. The phantom irritation returns, and Saïx sweeps into the hallway with a barely contained huff.

Rather than going to report in to Xemnas right away, Saïx goes to the training room. He won’t admit to himself that what he is doing is working off the tension in his shoulders - that would be admitting to feeling the tension there at all - but there is an itch in his fingers that pulls him to the violence of destroying some dusks with his claymore. The weapon feels good in his hand, natural and impossibly weightless for its size, and Saïx admits only to himself how much he enjoys how easily his enemies fall beneath Lunatic’s weight.

Or rather, how much he would enjoy it, if he was capable of such a thing.

An hour later, Saïx leaves the training room to go to the showers. He still feels hollow, but his fingers are no longer twitching and the tension in his shoulders is gone. That is, until he begins weaving his way through the white halls, hair still damp, and has his semi-peace interrupted.

“Sup, moon boy.” Xigbar leers down at Saïx from his perch on a stair railing, tilting too far over for his balance to be natural. Saïx sighs, continuing up the stairs and doing his best to ignore the older man. He can feel the tension returning to his shoulders. “Now now, is that any way to greet your superior- oop, sorry. Bad word choice.” Xigbar chuckles as Saïx glares what would be pure hatred if he could summon such a thing. “Your… damn, there’s not really another word that fits, huh? I’m not quite your boss, and saying I’m your senior would be just rude. I’m not that old. And I’m not exactly a manager, that’s more your role...”

Saïx makes it nearly level to Xigbar as the man rambles, hardly listening. It is only when he begins to pass by Xigbar that anything worth listening to is said.

“Xemnas wants to see you.”

Saïx stops in his tracks. Could Xemnas be mad that he didn’t report in right away? No, this mission wasn’t nearly important enough for that; reporting to Xemnas at all for this was merely to be a formality. The twitch is back in his fingers and Saïx thinks that if he wasn’t a Nobody his heart would be pounding in his chest. Xigbar laughs from over his shoulder, suddenly much closer than before.

“Don’t look so terrified! There’s no need for that.” Xigbar places a hand on Saïx’s shoulder and Saïx reacts immediately, knocking the touch away and half turning to stare with perfect nothing at Xigbar. “I doubt you’re in trouble, or he would have sent me to drag you to him instead.”

“I’m not scared.” Saïx states firmly, confident in the accuracy of his statement because the alternative is impossible. “I didn’t expect to be called in today. I will go to the Superior at once. He is in the Round Room, I assume?”

The smirk on Xigbar’s face is a perversion of amusement and Saïx feels the urge to punch it. He wonders if he would get in all that much trouble if he let himself go and destroyed Xigbar in an “accidental” bout of berserker mode.

“He’s up in the Tower, actually.” Xigbar leans back casually, shoving his hands in his pockets. “He was there when I got back, and I think me interrupting him was the first time he moved in hours. Didn’t even look at me, just said I should go get you. Pretty fucking rude, if you ask me.”

“Do not insult the Superior.” The growl in Saïx’s voice surprises even him. When did he get so fervent about Xemnas? He doesn’t bother to think about it, or try to take it back. “He is communing with Kingdom Hearts, so that we may get our hearts back. Even you must want that.”

“...Right.” Xigbar narrows his eye as he looks Saïx over, the smirk never leaving his face. Saïx turns from him, done with the conversation and not wanting to be looked at anymore. As much as he hates having to do more work when Xigbar is gone, having Xigbar around leering at him like that is almost worse.

At least with Xemnas, the attention is likely to be on the sky instead of him.

\--

“Xigbar has discovered another castle in between.”

Saïx stands a few feet behind Xemnas, staring at his back as the Superior stares at the sky. The darkness of the sky swirls, as alive as the Heartless.

“I want you to send someone to investigate it further.”

“Yes, Superior.”

Xemnas half turns away from the sky, his gaze settling on Saïx. Gold eyes bore into their mirror, and Xemnas beckons Saïx over. Saïx closes the distance between them instantly, stopping in arms’ reach of Xemnas and staring blankly back at him.

“Very good.” Xemnas seems thoughtful as he brings a hand up to Saïx’s chin. He tilts the shorter man’s head up a bit, examining his eyes, before turning his head to the side. Saïx’s ears have started to change, the tops coming to a point, and Xemnas looks almost pleased when he sees this.

This is not the first time they have had this interaction. Saïx remains very still, aware that trying to pull away or object will make this over no faster. Xemnas wants to see the results of his experiment over time, and Saïx doesn’t want to open up old scars again. Besides, he’s gotten his position by fashioning himself as the Superior’s “lapdog,” as Xigbar likes to put it. So he remains perfectly blank, neutrality born from a lack of a heart and years of practice. Xemnas will let him go when he’s done, and until then Saïx will cling to the ghost of gratitude that he doesn’t have a heart to betray him.

Xemnas cups Saïx’s face in both hands and smiles softly at him. It is a dangerous smile, the kind Saïx associates with the darkness just before it consumes you. Saïx wants to shrink away. He doesn’t.

“You’re some of my best work, you know that?” Xemnas moves one hand to trace over the X marring Saïx’s face and it takes all of his control not to flinch away. Saïx stops breathing. “It is unfortunate that not all my experiments could turn out as well as you. Perhaps we would have Kingdom Hearts in our grasp already if all of my subjects were more… cooperative.” Xemnas’s hand moves up to smooth at Saïx’s hair as if he was some sort of pet. Then he moves away, turning back to the sky and the faint outline of a moon that floats within it. “You may go.”

It takes a moment for Saïx to react. He’s too busy thinking about Xemnas’s other “subjects” and what has happened to them. Some of it he has seen in person - all of Organization XIII is a product of Xehanort’s experiments after all - but much he hasn’t. The image of Axel with gold eyes flashes through his mind and Saïx finds himself mentally flinching away from it. Finally, he gathers his thoughts enough to give some sort of neutral response and back out of the tower, leaving Xemnas to his solitude.

The twitching in Saïx’s fingers has turned into a shake. He clenches his hands into fists and sets toward the library.

He has no time for phantom feelings.

\--

Saïx never makes it to the library.

He is interrupted on his way there by Axel, spiky hair pulled back into an equally spiky ponytail and a guilty look on his face. Saïx guesses that it has to do with the report Axel was supposed to write, and his suspicions are confirmed without him even having to ask.

“So, I’m gonna get the report to you by the end of the day,” Axel starts, fidgeting as if he’s actually flustered by this. Saïx crosses his arms over his chest and stares. “Oh c’mon, don’t look at me like that! I always get them to you eventually, don’t I?”

“No, actually, you don’t,” Saïx says. “I’m missing quite a few written reports from you in fact. I assume I’m not going to be getting those from you anytime soon?” Axel has the gall to look sheepish. Saïx wishes it wasn’t so cute. Or familiar.

“I could just…” Axel’s voice is suspiciously hesitant, then decidedly teasing. “...Give them to you orally?”

Even without emotions, the deadpan look that settles onto Saïx’s face is one of pure scorn. Axel grins. “You’re disgusting.”

“Hey, it was worth a shot.” Axel shrugs, slipping back into his show of casual nonchalance without missing a beat. He steps in closer to Saïx, angling his body in such a way that Saïx ends up boxed against the wall. Axel lowers his voice as he talks, leaning in closer to Saïx than entirely necessary. “It’s not as if half of my missions are even for the Organization these days, so I don’t see why you want me writing reports so much. Do you just give Xigbar a different report when you send me out to do your dirty work? What's the excuse there?”

Saïx leans away from Axel, though he ends up merely pressed against the wall behind him. His eyes dart around the area, not altogether pleased that Axel would decide to have this conversation in such an open area. Not that this hall is frequented by most of the other members; it’s fairly out of the way, and there are more direct paths through the castle to get to the most used areas. Still, Saïx never knows when Xigbar might show up to eavesdrop.

“That's none of your concern. He hears what's beneficial.” Saïx doesn’t bother to mention that sometimes, information is more forced from him than anything. It’s not important. Xemnas can have his way with him if it means they get closer to their goal. And even Xemnas and Xigbar haven’t broken him so much to give away everything. “It hardly matters, anyway. What matters is that you don't ruin this. If you raise suspicions then we both go down. And you may want to ignore how real that threat is, but I don't. So get your reports in. I can't go easy on you just as I can't with anyone else.”

There is a flash of something in Axel’s eyes that Saïx isn’t sure how to read. It could be irritation, but it could also be hurt; either way it is something hot and quick, and then it’s gone. Axel looks down at the small space between them, quiet for once. Saïx hopes this means that he’ll be able to exit this conversation soon; he has things to do and he doesn’t have time to mess around with Axel. No matter how badly he wants to. But then Axel takes a breath to speak and Saïx finds himself drawn right back to him.

“I know that,” Axel says. His voice is low, barely above a whisper and much calmer than it tends to be. Saïx watches him, watches the way he seems to be dancing even when he is perfectly still, a flicker of flame that has yet to be put out. “But I’ve done everything you asked, I promise. And no one saw me on my mission yesterday, I was extra careful. Saïx…”

Axel practically breathes his name and Saïx feels that ache returning to his chest. Fingers brush against his, the feeling so light he probably wouldn’t notice it through his gloves if it weren’t for the heat that Axel constantly radiates. His fingers twitch, but he doesn’t pull away. Saïx’s gaze flicks down to their hands then back up to Axel, trying to figure out how to disentangle his thoughts around this subject. Axel is asking for praise again, in that backwards way that he has, bringing up secret missions that no one can ever know about, the dirty work that Saïx passes off to Axel to push suspicion away from himself. Saïx has never been all that good at praise.

“I suppose I’ll let it slide for a few days because you've been... helpful,” Saïx relents. He doesn’t move to find more contact from Axel, even if the impulse is tingling in his fingers. Instead he remains perfectly still, staring over Axel’s shoulder rather than in his eyes. “But... I can't just ignore it. I can’t play favorites.”

“Sure you can,” Axel purrs, leaning in closer. He takes Saïx’s lack of movement as permission to continue, linking their fingers with a small squeeze. “Because I am your favorite. I’m special compared to the rest of them, right?” Axel’s voice is getting breathier, teasing in a suggestive sort of way as his free hand finds Saïx’s arm and slides slowly up it, insistent and steady. “Cmon, Saïx... why can’t you ever just praise me? Just... say I did good without the ‘but’ tacked on... Please…”

“You’re so needy.” Saïx rolls his eyes. Axel always gets like this when he wants something, always has. Even before they were Nobodies, Axel would beg like this, wanting constant attention and praise and contact from Saïx. Back then, Saïx didn’t mind. He liked it in fact, liked that he was so central to Axel’s attention. Now it’s just a conflict of his interests, a dangerous game that Saïx would swear Axel got off on.

“That’s not praise. Saïx…”

“Fine.” Saïx relents, giving in to Axel’s touch as his hand gets to his shoulder and Axel’s nose pokes at his jaw. “You've done good. No one of importance has turned into a dusk, at least.” Axel’s grip on his fingers tightens fractionally, a hot breath spreads across the skin of Saïx’s neck, and Saïx stares at the white of the wall across from them, willing the hallway to stay empty.

“That’s hardly praise, but I’ll take it.” Axel’s lips brush Saïx’s jaw. He’s radiating more heat than usual and Saïx wonders how long it will take before the hand creeping along his shoulder toward his throat burns through those gloves.

“You really do rely on praise far too much.” Saïx finds his voice is on the verge of shaking and swallows hard to steady it. He can feel Axel’s grin against his throat. “If I told you ‘good job’ for every little thing you do correctly then everyone would expect the same treatment.”

“But I told you, I’m special compared to them. I’m your favorite, right boss?” Axel nuzzles at his neck more and Saïx swears the man is practically purring. The hand that had been inching closer to his throat veers down as soon as it reaches skin, finding the metal of Saïx’s zipper and fiddling absently with it. Axel’s lips press to his skin in a gesture Saïx refuses to name. “You trust me more than them and you like me more than them. I deserve more praise than them. Everyone else can just fuck off and deal with grumpy Saïx, but I should get more. I take care of everything for you and all I want is a little praise. Is that so much to ask?”

“Yes.” Saïx keeps his voice impressively steady, for the way Axel is now pressing him against the wall. The grip on his fingers has tightened again, and Axel’s teeth scrape against his skin in a parody of what they used to do, before. That’s all they can ever have now, a parody of a relationship with nothing but phantom emotions and memorized actions to keep them together. 

Saïx can’t bring himself to push Axel away.

“Asking for so much praise… You're certainly one of the most demanding members we have.”

“Am I? I’d say Xigbar is worse than me,” Axel scoffs. He works his way up Saïx’s throat now, pressing heat into his skin with his lips in a line toward Saïx’s jaw, then across his face to his mouth. “Or Luxord... that man is a menace. And Demyx is high maintenance, if not demanding. I think you giving me a little extra praise on the side would hardly be noticed.” Axel stops at the corner of Saïx’s mouth, his voice barely a breath as he tugs at the zipper of Saïx’s jacket. “And you surely can make time for me, since you make the schedule… People don’t need to see you giving me praise.” Axel’s voice dips impossibly lower, the heat on it almost as much a suggestion as the words slipping from his lips. “There are doors that lock in this castle, Saïx. It’s not hard to find them.”

Axel presses their lips together, the gesture as hot and fierce as Axel ever is, and Saïx gives in just a little. He kisses back, matching Axel’s heat with his own as Axel fully clasps their hands together and presses himself against the length of Saïx’s body. All thoughts of potentially being caught are chased from his head as Saïx tugs Axel closer with his free hand, tangling it in messy red hair tamed only fractionally by the hair tie pulling it back from Axel’s face. For one blissful moment, the only thought in Saïx’s mind is the heat of Axel’s body against his and the taste of Axel’s lips.

The castle could burn to the ground, and Saïx wouldn’t notice any change in temperature.

Then there is a sound around the corner of the hallway, close enough to give little warning, and Saïx is shoving Axel away all at once. Axel goes willingly enough, only a slight gasp revealing the shock of the shove, and Saïx is wiping at his mouth, trying to erase any evidence of their actions before someone sees them. If only he could wipe away the heat still lingering at his lips, under his skin.

“I’ll get those reports to you soon, boss.” Axel regains his composure quickly, dropping right back into his casual slouch. His lips are slightly redder than usual, and Saïx can’t help but watch them as he talks. “Scout’s honor. You won’t even have to hunt me down this time.”

“You better.” Saïx pulls away from the wall, straightening his posture just as Vexen rounds the corner ten feet away from them. Axel’s gaze flicks toward him and the casual grin turns into something more wicked as he stares down the scientist. Saïx finds himself watching the slight changes of Axel’s posture now that it is no longer just the two of them, how he becomes closed off all at once, more aggressive and performative than he ever seems with Saïx himself.

“Well look who crawled out of his basement to grace the rest of us with his presence,” Axel mocks, and Saïx doesn’t stick around to hear whatever comeback Vexen spits. He slips past the blond, walking briskly down the corridor and turning the corner without a glance back over his shoulder.

He’s sure that if he spends one more second watching how Axel moves, he just might start to think the ache in his chest is real.

And that is a thought that Saïx cannot afford.

\--

Hours later, Saïx is still awake, finishing going through the last of the report late into the night. He’ll hand them to Xemnas tomorrow - or, more likely, Xigbar, now that he’s back. The thought makes Saïx grimace. Talking to Xigbar is the last thing that he wants on any given day, but for the next week the sharpshooter is likely to be worse than usual; he just found a new place for the Organization to potentially take control of after all.

Saïx isn’t expecting to hear the sound of a dark corridor opening in his room, but he can’t say he’s surprised. Axel still hasn’t given him his report, and the use of doors in the castle is hit and miss in the best of times. When visiting late at night, it’s better not to be seen, especially if you’re trying to keep your visit a secret.

If the speed with which Axel makes his way across the room to Saïx at his desk is any indication, this particular meeting is definitely one meant to remain in this room.

“Someone is in a hurry,” Saïx observes as Axel practically throws the report onto Saïx’s desk and drags Saïx’s chair around to face him. Saïx thinks that it is fortunate he got a desk chair with wheels for this room, otherwise Axel may have dragged the chair to the floor instead. “Are you so eager to get your report in? That desperate for praise?”

“Yes.” Axel’s voice is a growl and then his lips are crashing into Saïx’s and any cutting remark Saïx had been formulating is lost to the heat of Axel’s mouth. Saïx capitulates much quicker than he had in the hallway, now behind closed doors and out of sight from prying eyes. It’s so much easier to let his body move on instinct when he doesn’t feel like he needs to put on a show of emotion for the people who expect him to pretend. 

This isn’t the first time Axel has showed up unannounced like this. In fact, it’s hardly even a rare occurrence anymore. At least once a week Axel will show up, never knocking or using the door, and demand Saïx’s attention. Saïx argued the first few times, not seeing the merit in pretending they could feel anything from such trysts, but Axel insisted that if they couldn’t feel anything emotional, they might as well feel good physically for a little while. Saïx never could seem to say no to Axel, in the end. 

If he had said no, they never would have ended up in this position to begin with.

Instead, Saïx lets Axel tug him to his bed, dark cloaks dropping to the floor as their bodies land in a tangle on the bed. Secretly, Saïx has begun to think that Axel might have a point about this. He may feel numb at every other point in his existence, but at least for a brief time when they were together like this, bodies moving together with more synchronicity than they have ever reached otherwise, Saïx thinks he can almost feel.

Saïx presses Axel into the bed, hooking long legs over his shoulders as he leans over the gasping redhead, and he watches. He watches as Axel gasps with every thrust, the way a shudder runs through him in time with Saïx’s movements. He watches as Axel grabs for the pillow, the sheets, Saïx’s shoulder; anything to help keep him grounded in the moment. He watches as a lovely shade of pink spreads across Axel’s skin, the fire he contains in his body threatening to escape and burn them both beyond recognition. Saïx thinks that it might not be the worst way to go. He already lets Axel’s flames consume him in these moments, even if not literally.

Axel gets a hand tangled in Saïx’s hair and pulls him down into a sloppy, desperate kiss. Saïx’s hand smooths across Axel’s ribs, and he wishes he could give Axel more than this. More than a parody of love in the snap of his hips and the gasp of his breaths.

“Tell me,” Axel gasps as he pulls away from the kiss. “Tell me how good I did on the mission today.”

Of course. Axel’s desperation for praise leaks in even here, his need to have Saïx recognize him as clear as day. Saïx obliges, pressing kisses into Axel’s jaw and whispering praise that can only sound empty to his ears.

“You were amazing.” Saïx slows his pace for a moment, letting himself savor the shiver that runs through Axel’s body at the praise. “You moved like a dancer, as if you were the flames themselves. I couldn’t focus on my own fighting, because I just wanted to watch you.”

Axel whimpers beneath him and Saïx smiles. He doesn’t bother to think about whether it is a genuine smile or a force of habit; he merely presses it into Axel’s shoulders and speeds up his thrusts again.

The bed creaks slightly and Saïx continues to give Axel whispered praise, words he wouldn’t dare speak outside this room, wouldn’t admit to under duress. Axel doesn’t last much longer. Soon enough he is tensing and shaking like he can’t contain whatever feeling Saïx has managed to press into his body. Saïx is sure that he must have burns on his shoulders where Axel grips him; the man is hotter than any human could surely survive.

Saïx follows soon after, with a small grunt and far less theatrics than Axel, collapsing to the side as soon as he’s done. Axel catches his breath beside him and otherwise the room is silent as the two unfeeling beings stare at the ceiling in the aftermath of their actions.

At some point, Axel makes a grab for Saïx’s hand. Saïx doesn’t move away. He just breathes, wondering how he can feel even more numb than before when every nerve in his body seems to have been set alight.

“Axel.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sending you on another mission tomorrow.”

“Do we have to talk about work right now?” Axel groans. He pulls away from Saïx, pushing himself up to sitting and running a hand through his hair. Saïx flexes his now empty hand before balling it into a fist.

“Xigbar found a new castle, Castle Oblivion,” Saïx continues as if Axel never spoke. “Xemnas wants me to send a group to investigate it, which I’ll be arranging tomorrow. I want you to go on first.”

“You want me to poke around before the snitches show up, is that it?” It’s less of a question and more of a sigh. Axel turns to climb out of bed, beginning to redress as they talk. Saïx pulls his eyes away from the ceiling to watch. “What cover are we using this time?”

“You’re doing recon in Wonderland. That place is constantly changing, so it’s not an odd thing to do.”

“Right.”

Axel smoothes out the dark of the jacket. He blends into the shadows, wearing the darkness as if he was born into it. Saïx supposes he was, even if Lea hadn’t been. The only giveaway is Axel’s hair, messy spikes of red making him stand out like a beacon. Or the sun.

A dark corridor forms itself behind Axel and Saïx has the urge to force it closed before Axel can step inside. Instead, he sits up, staring in perfect calm as his best friend turns to leave him.

“I’ll be sure to leave bright and early then.”

“Good.”

“Night, Isa.”

Saïx’s chest aches at the name. In any other situation he would snap at Axel for using it. He’s not that person anymore. Neither of them are, and they can never go back to that.

“Goodnight, Lea.”

Isa was never so good at pretending after all. Never had to be.

\---

“Soooo… You and Flamsilocks, huh?”

“I beg your pardon?”

For the second time in as many days, Saïx finds himself ambushed by Xigbar in the corridor. For the second time in as many days, Saïx is backed against the wall, though this time is significantly less enjoyable than the first.

“I mean, I always knew you were close, but I thought it was just a bros-before-hoes sorta thing.” Xigbar’s hand is pressed to the wall next to Saïx’s head as he leans over him. Saïx looks back down at his clipboard with a mask of disinterest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Tsk.” Xigbar pulls back, giving up quickly enough when he gets little reaction out of Saïx. He doesn’t step back to allow Saïx to easily walk away, but at least he’s not boxed in anymore. “You’re so impossibly boring, you know that? Vexen told me he saw you two looking quite ruffled yesterday. Figured you must have gotten in a fight of some sort, but then Demyx said he got up to do hell-knows-what last night and heard some pretty strange sounds coming from your room.”

“And you’re going to trust the word of Demyx and Vexen?” Saïx glances up at Xigbar, painting a look of pure disdain on his face. “I thought you were at least smarter than that.”

“Well, you’ve got me there! I didn’t believe it myself, but…” Xigbar’s obnoxious smirk just grows as he leans back over Saïx. He grabs at the collar of Saïx’s jacket and pulls it to the side. “I can’t imagine how you would get such burns. An odd spot, if I do say so myself.”

Saïx jerks away from Xigbar’s touch, trying not to betray the phantom panic in his chest. He zips his coat up as far as it can go, glaring up at Xigbar in defiance. Xigbar just laughs, finally stepping back and away.

“Damn, kid! No need to growl at me.” Xigbar’s hands disappear into his pockets and he turns to head toward the Grey Area. “I don’t care what you do behind closed doors. Just keep that out of Xemnas’s sight. He might not take too kindly to his prized lapdog being damaged goods.”

Xigbar disappears around a corner, and Saïx lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He looks back down at his clipboard, where he has the schedule all prepared for the day’s missions. Axel has already left, and all Saïx has to do is follow Xigbar to the Grey Area to pass out the assignments.

Xigbar is right. He can’t let Xemnas know. He can’t be sure that Xigbar won’t still tell him, but then, Xigbar has always been a wild card. Saïx hadn’t wanted anyone to know really, but he supposes there’s nothing he can do now.

Saïx takes a deep breath, and takes a step down the hall. He has to keep moving forward. No matter what Xigbar knows, or what Axel demands, Saïx has to keep their plan moving.

There is no other option.

Even if it means Saïx can only watch Axel from afar.


End file.
